1. Buy an expensive, high-res digicam with a titchy sensor for the worst possible low-light performance

2. Set it to beep whenever you press a button, and play a little tune when you take a picture.

3. Forget any science lessons about the qualities of light that you may have endured in primary school, with the following results:

a) You turn the brightness of the digicam screen and/or flashing LEDs up to maximum since it’s so dark, thus distracting and/or blinding everyone around you;

b) You completely ignore the fact that light intensity quarters as distance doubles, and so try to use the piddling little flash built in to your camera;

c) The flash lights up at maximum possible brightness, making the rest of the audience’s eyes bleed

d) You completely fail to throw any useful amount of extra light onto the stage, thus confusing your camera and producing unusably dark pictures.

4. Repeat until funny.

5. Please die, kthx.