So, I’ve been meaning to move to a new blog system. Y’know, something shiney(tm). With bells and whistles and spam filtering. And, er, a billion or so critical security flaws uncovered each week.
In reality, I’m more than happy with blosxom. Vim-over-ssh is a much better way of writing entries than any editor written in AJAX-y javascript and hosted in a crash-prone web browser. And I don’t need on-the-fly spaling or grammar checks, ‘cos, well, I know how to write already, thanks.
So, yes, balls to wordpress, movable type and their overcomplex, php-driven, sql db-backed ilk.
So, er, what have I been doing in the last 171 days?
Well, travelling lots: Firstly, swanning around Ofotfjord and Vestjord in the far north of Norway, supposedly to see orcas.

Then, a week spent in snowy Tallinn, in Estonia. I’m not sure what I was expecting from part of the former Soviet Union - but I was shocked by how prosperous, clean, and unspoilt it was. The walled old town is an astonishingly pretty medieval fairy story brought to life; every restaurant seems to offer bearmeat and wild boar and serving wenches (Olde Hansa scores several billion bonus points for the post-meal music, provided corsetted students from the local university’s medieval music department). I’m fairly sure I’ll be back in the future…

I’ve also spent time in Leeds and Donegal, and met interesting people, and done interesting things. But, er, I’m flagging a bit, and I’m sure you don’t really care. fleh. Will write more soon :)
So, I’ve been meaning to move to a new blog system. Y’know, something shiney(tm). With bells and whistles and spam filtering. And, er, a billion or so critical security flaws uncovered each week.
In reality, I’m more than happy with blosxom. Vim-over-ssh is a much better way of writing entries than any editor written in AJAX-y javascript and hosted in a crash-prone web browser. And I don’t need on-the-fly spaling or grammar checks, ‘cos, well, I know how to write already, thanks.
So, yes, balls to wordpress, movable type and their overcomplex, php-driven, sql db-backed ilk.
So, er, what have I been doing in the last 171 days?
Well, travelling lots: Firstly, swanning around Ofotfjord and Vestjord in the far north of Norway, supposedly to see orcas.

Then, a week spent in snowy Tallinn, in Estonia. I’m not sure what I was expecting from part of the former Soviet Union - but I was shocked by how prosperous, clean, and unspoilt it was. The walled old town is an astonishingly pretty medieval fairy story brought to life; every restaurant seems to offer bearmeat and wild boar and serving wenches (Olde Hansa scores several billion bonus points for the post-meal music, provided corsetted students from the local university’s medieval music department). I’m fairly sure I’ll be back in the future…

I’ve also spent time in Leeds and Donegal, and met interesting people, and done interesting things. But, er, I’m flagging a bit, and I’m sure you don’t really care. fleh. Will write more soon :)
Our current government, joyless shitbags that they are, want to jail you for three years for having downloaded the above pictures.
Yes kids, the home office has proposed yet another badly-drafted piece of astoundingly illiberal legislation that helps nobody but themselves (and then only when it comes to arguing the case for increasing their budget). We are expected to happily fork out yet more of our cash to let a department-ful of civil service busybodies protect us from ourselves.
Unsurpisingly, the BBC is presenting this as a great victory for common sense, and is reporting that it has the support of various Labour and Lib Dem MPs. The only dissenting voice that they present is that of a headbanger-wing tory thinktank. Strangely, the utter opposition from rabid free speech nutters such as, er, the Law Society, hasn’t been mentioned.
Why’s it so bad? Surely noone can be against pissing on a few Intertron Perves? Well, the offence will “…apply to images of acts that appear to be life threatening or are likely to result in serious, disabling injury.”
That “appear” is, of course, the heart of the issue. That means a picture, taken in isolation, of hands placed around someone’s throat can be construed as “breath play” - so banned. God only knows what they’d make of the above pictures - taken from Eyewitness Production’s “Drowning”, and found after a quick search for “asphyxiation” on empornium.
Since “likely to result in serious, disabling injury” has already been taken to mean “anything involving blood”, then anything vaguely titillating, from 1970s vampire b-movies to pictures of a severe caning (y’know, like the sort of thing that seemingly every english ex-public schoolboy rushes off to pay for at least once a month), huge swathes of society are about to be criminalised. Infact, since unprotected sex can be equally life-threatening, there’ll be good grounds for banning any portrayal of that, too.
cunts.
So, youse’ve been bereft of my blogging for three-and-a-bit months. In that time, I’ve successfully moved house (but not finished unpacking); gotten drunk (several times); worked - on interesting projects (I’m sure I’ll be banging on about the joys of Xen here at some stage), and not-so interesting ones (firewall rulesets. VPNs. LDAP. bloody LDAP. gah); and, er, other stuff.
Sarah’s been over for the past two weeks, and I’ve been doing my best to teach her to cook - with vegan goulash, stuffed peppers, tortilla-based things, and rrychips. I’m not a particularly good teacher, but at least I’ve learnt more about the intricacies of soy mince, lentils, and the art of roasting vegetables than I ever thought I would have.
The vegangoulash was destined for last Wednesday’s beer & chilli party at paddy and ruthy’s house (don’t worry - I brought along turbogoulash with Proper Bloddy Meat, too). We both got very, very, very, drunk, and am quite sure, made a terrible nuisance of ourselves. ah well. Oh, and magic-bouncing-medicine-and-too-much-wine two-day hangovers are bad.

Wednesday, of course was “the twelfth” - or “orangefest” as we’re now supposed to call it. Being the archetypal cultural-middle-class-garden-centre-atheistic-prod, I’ve never actually seen a big orange parade before, so was perhaps more curious about the various goings-on than Sarah was. In the end, I was rather disappointed - the Lisburn Road (even in my frighteningly middle class bit of it) was lined four deep in W.K.D.-swilling (“irn bru” and vodka! ugh! when we were at university, we thought that that was just a weird urban legend about how depraved west coast scots were) spectators, many of whom had dressed in such a way as to live up to every “east belfast concerned millie’s group” stereotype you might ever have come across.

Okay, so that’s just snobbery talking, but I was sort-of expecting more of, well, y’know, a cultural event. Lambeg drums and music and baton-twirling and bowler hats and all-that. Instead, we got two hours of incessant flute bands, all seemingly playing the same bloddy tune, a few bedraggled orangemen, lots of taxis and white vans with their number plates either blacked out, or replaced with “LOL 1690”. Worse yet, there were only *two* lambeg drums in the whole parade - and they were being played by people standing in an open-sided lorry. Oh, and the only bowler hats to be seen were worn by the three or four guys at the head of the parade, walking behind the kids dressed up as a prince & princess.

So; yes, the Orange Order may have made a good attempt to get rid of their “5-nil” shouting and other distastefulness - but they still need to get rid of the dilapidated vans that form half of the procession; kill off the banners that refer to terrorists / gangsters / serial killers; have a bit more variety in the music - the one or two accordian bands made a nice break from the flute-playing monotony, for instance; get people to tidy their uniforms before the big day; oh, and, bloody hell, will youse please sstop waving the comedy “temperance” banners - which seemed to invariably be carried in front of a car containg thirty crates of alcopops.

BBC NI don’t have a story about some dead alky as their top story. Hurrah!
Belfast’s supposed reaction to the death of George Best hasn’t been that strange - we saw the same thing on a larger scale when yon alky princess died eight years ago, of course. I smell a rat, though - Belfast’s population has shown a muted stoicism through thirty years of terrorism, so surely it’s unlikely that we’d come over all grief-stricken just ‘cos one of many belfast-born professional footballers has finally succeeded in killing himself.
No, instead, surely it’s a bored media establishment stirring up this purported emotional response? Witness the curious language they use - the phrase “Alcoholic Wife-Beater, George Best” is trotted out in every bloddy article, for instance. Now, I won’t take issue with the first word - but… “wife-beater”? What sort of archaic touchy-feely crap is that? Yes, kids, it’s an olde worlde phrase that’s so loaded with misogyny that no-one would dare use it in a serious sense today - unless they were trying to deliberately colour what they said.
“Wife-Beater” easily becomes “Didn’t know his own strength” becomes “Bit of a cheeky monkey” becomes “Perhaps his only crime was loving women too much” - it’s the sort of soft-soap treatment that’ll be used to advertise partworks in the Daily Mail in twenty years’ time. It shouldn’t have any place on the BBC now.
Okay, using more neutral terms, like “rapist”, or descriptive phrases such as “acutal bodily harm” or “greivous bodily harm” may fail to cover up his crimes sufficiently - but why are the serious news media prepared to indulge in such mendacity in the first place? If it were just a well-meaning effort to not speak ill of the dead for a few days, surely they could just not mention his non-soccer-related activities at all?
And what’s all this stuff about him being “The Greatest Footballer - ever!” (which, after the initial hysteria became “maybe not the /greatest/ - but certainly in the top 3”)? Now, I went to university with some football fans, and I remember their interminable discussions about the greatest ever footballer only too well - and I can tell you that Best was never, ever mentioned. Pele, Ronaldo, Ronaldino, Maradonna, and various other south americans featured prominently - as did gordon banks, bobby charlton, bobby moore, various germans -even Danny Blanchflower was talked about more than once. But never George Best.
Now, I’ve no special knowledge of, or connection with Best. I remember my ganddad shouting “Oh! Geordie Best!” at my baby brother as he kicked a football two decades ago, and, of course, I remember the playground sniggering after his “Wogan” interview a few years later. But I hadn’t a clue about who he was, or what he did for a living between drinks.
There was certainly no sense that he was some sort of local hero - if you’d asked about the greatest local footballer, I’d’ve said “Danny Blanchflower” (the only one I’d heard of as I was growing up), or talk about the time that Pat Jennings was at the Strandtown School Fete. The first time I found out that I’d grown up ten minutes’ walk from the Best family was two weeks ago, when reading an article in the Guardian.
I’ve no objection to his friends, family, and fans going to his funeral. Plenty of those who were dedicated english football fans in the 1960s will tell you that he was an exceptionally talented player. But were 32,000 of them really prepared to travel to Northern Ireland on a rainy saturday, just to watch a funeral? The airlines have said that they didn’t need to lay on any additional flights, so I doubt it.
Who were all those other people at Stormont on saturday, then? People who were too young, or too indifferent when he played for Manchester. People who came to know of him only because of our culture’s lionisation of anyone with a hint of “celebrity” - people who wanted to “pay respects” to him because he was famous (and, therefore, important). But he was much more famous for his alcoholism, his bankruptcy, his imprisonment, his disgusting attitudes toward women, and his increasingly-desperate attempts to gain publicity, than he ever was for his soccer skills. Worst of all, I suspect that a significant proportion of the crowd were there solely to gawk at the famous people.
They should be ashamed of themselves.